Parenting Wisdom: FROM SURPRISING SOURCES

It’s amazing where wisdom will sometimes choose to surface. Consider the following statement:
"Studies have shown that parents are the primary influence on their children’s choices and decisions... and that is why we’re proud to offer help to parents. Recognizing that parents have the greatest influence on their children’s decisions, the Family Talk program helps... by encouraging open, honest communication between parents and children."1
Makes perfect sense, right? Here’s another:
"Nearly three out of four parents believe their children’s friends and classmates have the most influence... Yet contrary to what parents think, kids say mom and dad have the biggest impact on the choices they make."2
How about this one:
"So you’re between the ages of 13 and 24. What makes you happy? A worried, weary parent might imagine the answer to sound something like this: Sex, drugs,and a little rock ‘n’ roll. Maybe some cash, or at least the car keys. Turns out the real answer is quite different. Spending time with family was the top answer to that open-ended question... Parents are seen as an overwhelmingly positive influence in the lives of most young people. Remarkably, nearly half of teens mention at least one of their parents as a hero."3
At this point you may be wondering where I found these quotes. Focus on the Family? American Family Research Council, maybe? How about the National Network of Youth Ministers? If you guessed any of those three you would be wrong. The first quote is from an Anheuser-Busch publication found on www.familytalkonline.com. The second is from www.MVParents.com, a website of the Coors Brewing Company. The third is from a study conducted by MTV and the Associated Press. Whether it’s a Christian organization or a secular one, all the research points to the fact that parents are the primary influence of their children.
Josh McDowell says it best,
"Parents... carry more weight—for good or bad—than they give themselves credit for. How a child thinks and acts is still molded by his or her home life, which means the crumbling foundations of the faith among this generation is as much a parental problem as a church problem, if not more so. If we’re going to reclaim the next generation, then the home and the church must join forces together like never before."4
Josh McDowell also reveals how the typical churched young person would answer the following question:
"As a teenager, who or what is molding and shaping your attitudes and actions?’ Seventy-eight percent of them say: ‘It’s my parents.’ Studies show that their parents have three times the influence over them than their pastor or youth group leader. Church is seventh on their list, carrying just as much influence as does their music."5
An extensive study of 272,400 teenagers conducted by USA Today Weekend Magazine found that 70 percent of teens identified their parents as the most important influence in their lives. 21 percent said that about their friends (peers), and only 8 percent named the media (TV shows). This study obviously contradicts cultural misconceptions that peers and media are the primary driving force for teens. Today’s research supports what the Bible has said for thousands of years: parents have the most important place in their child’s development.
After the most in-depth research ever conducted on the spirituality of American teens, Christian Smith concluded in his book, Soul Searching,
"The best way to get most youth more involved in and serious about their faith communities is to get their parents more involved in and serious about their faith communities. For decades in many religious traditions, the prevailing model of youth ministry has relied on pulling teens away from their parents. In some cases, youth ministers have come to see parents as adversaries. There is no doubt a time and place for unique teen settings and activities; still, our findings suggest that overall youth ministry would probably best be pursued in larger context of family ministry, that parents should be viewed as indispensable partners in the religious formation of youth."6
In Altemeyer and Hunsberger’s book Amazing Conversions, we are told the stories of forty-six college freshmen they call the "Amazing Apostates." These students were identified in a survey of more than 2,000 college freshmen as being among those who were raised in church-going, Christian families but had abandoned their faith by the time they reached college. Here are a few excerpts from their extensive secular research:
• "All of the different approaches to studying parental influences in the religious socialization process converge on a single conclusion: Parents play an extremely important role in the developing religious attitudes and practices of their offspring. In fact, few researchers would quarrel with the conclusion that parents are the most important influence in this regard."7
• "We acquire our religion from our parents almost as certainly as we inherit the color of our eyes."8
• "You can make a pretty good prediction of how a university student, raised as a Christian, will still accept Christianity if you know how much the family religion was emphasized while he was growing up."9
• "Parents of those who ‘kept the faith’ emphasized religion twice as much as the parents of those who became apostates."10
• "If today’s young people seem less religious than their parents, it may be traced to their parents’ neglecting to pass on the grandparents training."11
• During the authors’ research they asked these freshmen to identify whom they most turned to when they experienced doubts or questions specifically in regards to religion and their faith. The responses were, in order:
- Talking with parents
- Reading the Bible
- Talking with friends
- Spending time in prayer
- Talking to a minister or religious leader
- Going to a camp or retreat to renew their faith.12
God started the first family and ordained it as the institution for not only reproduction but also for primary discipleship. Think of Deuteronomy 6:4-9:
"Hear, O Israel: The Lord your God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."
The practice of Orthodox Jews, who recite the Shema twice a day, magnifies the importance of this passage. Of all the great Old Testament passages concerning creation, faith, God’s provisions, the coming Messiah, commandments, repentance and forgiveness, I am amazed that this was the passage that God impressed on them to repeat daily. In case we missed the importance the first time, the Lord repeated these same instructions to parents in Deuteronomy 11. All this repetition is more than coincidence; it’s clear that the Shema is one of the most important passages in the Old Testament, as it instructs parents to disciple their children.
Steve Farrar talks about the mandate in Deuteronomy 6 and other passages, saying,
"There is no ‘new and improved’ version to these commands. They have not been upgraded. They were perfect when they were given and they will be perfect for as long as men walk the earth...The job description is timeless."13
George Barna summarizes well a biblical understanding of parenting well, saying:
"The responsibility for raising spiritual champions, according to the Bible, belongs to the parents. The spiritual nurture of children is supposed to take place in the home. Organizations and people from outside the home might support those efforts, but the responsibility is squarely laid at the feet of the family. This is not a job for specialists. It is a job for parents."14
Ross Campbell correctly says:
"While organized religious instruction and activities in churches, Christian camps, and special youth clubs are extremely important to your developing child, nothing influences him more than his training at home. Parents cannot afford to leave spiritual training to other people."15
Whether it is the media, a beer company or secular researchers, it is impossible to deny the truth which was first in the Bible: parents are the primary influencers of their children. The scriptures are very pointed and very clear. There is no escape clause for parents. Biblical obedience requires our best effort because we as parents are the daily mentors that God intended our children to have. I hope the following scriptures inspire you as they have Tina and me.
• Psalm 78:1-7: "My people, hear my instruction; listen to what I say. I will declare wise sayings; I will speak mysteries from the past–things we have heard and known and that our fathers have passed down to us. We must not hide them from our children, but must tell a future generation the praises of the Lord, His might, and the wonderful works He has performed. He established a testimony in Jacob and set up a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers to teach to their children so that a future generation–children yet to be born–might know. They were to rise and tell their children so that they might put their confidence in God and not forget God’s works, but keep His commands."
• Ephesians 6:4: "Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
• Proverbs 1:8-9: "Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction, and don’t reject your mothers teaching, for they will be a garland of grace on your head and a chain around your neck."
• Malachi 4:6: "And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers."
• Luke 1:17: "And he will go before Him in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of fathers to their children."
• Proverbs 22:6: "Teach a youth about the way he should go; even
when he is old he will not depart from it."
• Psalm 127:1-4: "Unless the Lord builds a house, its builders labor over it in vain; unless the Lord watches over a city, the watchman stays alert in vain. In vain you get up early and stay up late, eating food earned by hard work; certainly He gives sleep to the one He loves. Sons are indeed a heritage from the Lord, children, a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the sons born in one’s youth."
• Proverbs 4:1-11: "Listen, my sons, to a father’s discipline, and pay attention so that you may gain understanding, for I am giving you good instruction. Don’t abandon my teaching. When I was a son with my father, tender and precious to my mother, he taught me..."
• Colossians 3:20-21: "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing in the Lord. Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so they won’t become discouraged."
• 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12: "As you know, like a father with his own children, we encouraged, comforted, and implored each one of you to walk worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory."
In his sermon "The Estate of Marriage," Martin Luther reflected his convictions about the role of father and mother in these words:
"Most certainly father and mother are apostles, bishops, and priests to their children, for it is they who make them acquainted with the Gospel. In short there is no greater or nobler authority on earth than that of parents over their children, for this authority is both spiritual and temporal."16
The Bible says it, research confirms it, and the media agrees: parents are primary. It seems that everyone understands that, everyone but parents. It is time for parents to stop selling themselves short and recognize that God has placed them in a position of unparalleled influence. It is time for parents to open up the Bible at home, pray with their children, talk about the faith, refuse to settle for distant relationships, and influence their children like no one else can. Our children are waiting.
This article is an excerpt from the book entitled reThink. You can purchase this book by visiting www.inquest.org or calling 1-800-776-1893.
About the Author:
Steve and his wife, Tina, were married in 1989. They are blessed with three children–Sara, William and Tyler. Steve serves as Pastor of Student Ministries at Providence Baptist Church in Raleigh, NC. Steve joined the team at Providence in May of 1999. He received a Master of Arts degree in Christian education from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. His undergraduate degree is from Carson Newman College. Steve founded InQuest Ministries, which supplies Sunday School and Discipleship curriculum to thousands of churches worldwide.
________________________
1 Taken from: www.familytalkonline.com/docs/
AboutUs.htm
2 Taken from www.MVParents.com
3 Information taken from an article entitled "MTV and The Associated Press Release Landmark Study of Young People and Happiness" found at www.mtv.com/thinkmtv/research/
4 Josh McDowell, The Last Christian Generation, (Holiday, FL: Green Key Books, 2006), pp.59-60. 5 Wayne Rice and David Veerman, Understanding Your Teenager, (Lakeside, CA, Understanding Your Teenager Books) p.118.
6 Christian Smith, Soul Searching, (Oxford University Press, 2005) p.267.
7 Bob Altemeyer and Bruce Hunsberger, Amazing Conversions, (Prometheus Books, 1997) p.226.
8 Ibid., p.10.
9 Ibid., p.11.
10 Ibid., p.11.
11 Ibid., p.11.
12 Ibid., p.18.
13 Farrar, Steve. King Me: What Every Son Wants and Needs From His Father. (Chicago: Moody Publishers. 2005.) pp.20-21.
14 George Barna, Revolutionary Parenting. (Carol Stream, Tyndale House Publishers. 2007) p.11-12.
15 Campbell, Ross. Relational Parenting. (Chicago: Moody Press, 2000.) pp.136-137.
16 Strommen, Merton P. Passing on the Faith: A Radical new Model for Youth and Family Ministry. (Winona: Saint Mary’s Press. 2000.) p.28.
"It is time for parents to stop selling themselves short and recognize that God has placed them in a position of unparalleled influence.
InQuest InSights: Parenting Page 4 of 4

The Lord's Prayer

Pray then like this: "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
The prayer is a model, not a mere liturgy to be recited or repeated thoughtlessly. Nor is it a formula that we might employ for our gain.
It is notable for its profound brevity and simplicity. It is remarkable for its comprehensiveness.
Therefore, let us know that we are to be in a right state of mind for praying, and not only be about ourselves and our advantage, but give the first place to God. Jesus shows us that prayer, like all other things is first God-centered.
Whenever we engage in prayer, there are two things to be considered; that we have access to Him and the we are dependant on Him. This is reflected here in the model from Jesus by His fatherly love and His boundless power.
Father – we call God our Father only because of our connection to Christ. Our union with the body of Christ makes us adopted children in the family of God and joint heirs with Christ to the kingdom of God. It would be foolish to assume access to God as our Father, apart from our absolute confidence in the work of Christ as both redeemer and mediator. In Christ, however, let us entertain no doubt that God is willing to receive us graciously and listen to our prayers. Let us enter in boldly, with all reverence and humility, into the presence of God.
Who is in Heaven – Jesus is not referring to a place where God dwells only there, but gives us a lofty view of the power of God. 2 Chronicles 2:6 says, “the heavens of heavens do not contain Him.” When the Scripture says that God is in heaven, the meaning is that all things are subject to His power. Psalm 115 makes this clear, “Our God is in heaven: He does whatever He pleases.” Ephesians 1:20-25 shows this to be true in the New Testament by affirming that this is the role of Christ after the ascension:
that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church,
So, we know the design of Christ in the commencement of the prayer. He desires His people to rest their confidence on the fatherly love and boundless power of God, because unless our prayers be founded on faith, the will be of no advantage.
Just as the 10 commandments are divided into two tablets, the first concerning our relationship to God and the second concerning our relationship to people, so in this model Jesus enjoins us to consider 6 petitions, 3 for the glory of God and 3 for our own salvation.
A. Three for the Glory of God 9-10
1. Make Sacred the Name of God; To hallow or sanctify the name of God means nothing else but to give God the glory due to His name. In these first 3 petitions, we are to loose sight of ourselves and give glory to God. It is to our unspeakable advantage that God reigns and that He receives the honor due Him. That can not happen apart from us being consumed by self-forgetfulness in the presence of the infinitely majestic glory of God.
The name of God is made sacred by our praise, but our giving Him glory. The glory by which it is sanctified, flows from our acknowledgement of His attributes; His wisdom, goodness, righteousness, power, and all.
The substance of this petition is that the glory of God might shine in the world, and may be acknowledged by all men, that the name of God would be glorified above all and never profaned by our disrespect, irreverence, or neglect.
2. Long for the Kingdom of God; The kingdom of God is the reign of God, by which He rules over the universe which He created. God is said to reign among men, when they voluntarily devote and submit themselves to be governed by Him. In our sinful natures, we oppose the justice of God and obstruct His reign. By praying for His kingdom we ask that He remove all hinderances, our affections and will, and bring us all under His sovereign rule. This imperial work is done in part by the preaching of the word of God and secondly by the power of the Holy Spirit of God.
There is still another way that the kingdom of God comes. That is by the judgment of God, when He overthrows His enemies and compels them to bow and confess, “till they all be made His footstool,” and “every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that He is Lord.”
For us, as believers, it is God’s will that He govern us by His word, in order that His kingdom may be established in us. The commencement of that reign is in the destruction of the old man, the surrendering of our affections and the denial of will, that we might be renewed to another life.
The substance of this prayer is that God might enlighten the world by the light of His word, and would rule in our lives by our voluntary submission to His word and Spirit, to obey His justice.
3. Submit to the Will of God; There is a close connection between these three petitions. The sanctification of the Name of God is always connected to His kingdom, and the most important part of His kingdom lies in His will being done. The will of God is a singular thing. However, we have seen His kingdom is brought in by various means. Thus, God both executes His will by His providence; as in heaven, where His angels are always ready to execute His commands, “harkening to the voice of His word,” and by temporal means; as on earth, using His word, His people and circumstances to bring about His will through obedience.
So, it is our desire in this prayer that God’s will be perfectly done through the obedience of His people, but more, that God might remove our obstinacy and rebellion, and make us gentle and submissive toward Him, that we may desire nothing but His rule in our live. We pray that the earth become obedient to the will of God, and that we hate and regret whatever we perceive to be contrary to the will of God.
B. Three for our Own Salvation 11-13
In this model prayer that Christ has prescribed to us, this is the second tablet. Simply for our understanding, the petitions that relate to the glory of God are contained in the first, and in the second part is how we ought to tend to our own salvation, or ask for ourselves. Not that these are void of the glory of God. In fact, we will see by the way Jesus constructs His prayer, that the object is our recognition of our dependence on God, which in turn brings glory to His many attributes as they concern our salvation.
1. Ask for Provision; We are first instructed to pray that God would provide for the needs of this life which He has given to us in the world. We need many things and this prayer is that he would supply us with everything that He knows to be needful for today. Now, it is to be remembered that Jesus himself taught us that man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God. Therefore, this is not to the neglect of our spiritual need, but it is primarily a prayer for physical provision. “Lord, since our life needs new supplies every day, may it please you to grant them without interruption.”
The adverb “today” is added to restrain our excessive desire, and to teach us that we depend every moment on the provision of God, and ought to be content with what he gives. This is much the lesson Israel learned in the wilderness when God fed them daily through the provision of manna, and punished them both for desiring something more than He provided and for storing up His provision for later. These words are to remind us, unless God supply us daily, the largest accumulation of the necessities of life will be of no avail. If we are to pray sincerely, we must learn the example of Paul, “to be full and to be hungry, to abound and to have need.”
2. Ask for Forgiveness; We come first to God through the person and work of Christ, the chief work of which is the forgiveness of sins. So, it should not be assumed from the arrangement here that praying for forgiveness is of a second order. We must always pray for the pardoning of our sins by grace before we enter into the presence of God. Christ has here, in these last 2 petitions, included all that pertains to our salvation and to living the spiritual life; the forgiveness of sins, and the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit.
Our sins are here called debts to magnify they bear with them a cost, a wage that makes us debtors to God. This sin debt is one that we can not pay ourselves, apart form eternal death (which is separation from God). Now, in our praying for forgiveness of our debt, we part form the economy of the world. A creditor is not said to forgive a debt when he has received payment, or expects any repayment for His forgiveness. There is no compensation owed here. Christ has paid the debt and God has set the debtor free. He ask nothing more. Jesus paid it all. The condition, “as we forgive our debtors” is added here so that no one may presume to approach God for forgiveness who has pride and resentment in their heart. Christ did not intend to point out the cause of our forgiveness, but to remind us of the attitude of the heart in which our forgiveness takes root.
Christ explains this complicated petition in verses 14-15, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” The name debtor is here given here not to those who owe us money, but to those who are indebted to us on account of offenses which they have committed toward us. Christ is saying, you live by the worlds economy – you die by the worlds economy, if you wish to live by grace, you must live with it in your own heart. Grace is the measure by which you are forgiven and therefore must forgive others.
3. Ask for Protection; Now here is the second half of our salvation petition, that which pertains to living the spiritual life. It is wrong to make this 2 petitions because they are clearly connected by a continuing conjunction. The effect is That we may not be lead into temptation, deliver us from evil. The meaning is then that we are conscious of our weakness and are joyfully dependant on God for His protection. Just as in the last petition we learned that we have no hope of gaining forgiveness of sin unless we admit we are a sinner, here we see that we have no hope of living a holy life unless we obtain it by the protection of God. We implore God to protect us and deliver us because we acknowledge that we can not be holy on our own. Unless God deliver us, we will be constantly failing.
The word temptation is generally used for any kind of trial. While God clearly never tempts us himself, He does often lead us into trial for the purpose of our spiritual growth, just as He led Jesus into the desert to fast and be confronted by the Devil, where He delivered Christ from evil by the power of His word.
Here, Christ is referring to an inward temptation, not an outward test to prove our faith. This is a scourge of the devil that excites our lusts. It would be foolish to ask God to keep us from every trial of adversity or prosperity that test or grows our faith. We ask that God not allow us to be thrown down and overwhelmed by temptations. Positively, Father, lead us away from temptation, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye and the pride of life.
Yet, deliver us from it. Deliver us from evil. Again this is not just a negative request for protection, but a display of our positive dependence on God – deliver me, Oh Lord!
Now, this may be taken as a neuter gender “the evil thing” or the masculine gender “the evil one.” There is no debate here because both are equally true and applicable. The Devil does contrive of everything evil and is the deadly enemy of our salvation and holy life, and we must depend on God for His deliverance from the evil one. Equally, sin is the evil thing within us that we must all primarily fight. Deliverance from an outward foe would benefit us not if we are yet to be delivered from the enemy within. From both the evil one and the evil thing, we do desperately depend on God to protect and deliver us.
[For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen]
This final phrase does not appear in all of the early Latin manuscripts. It is a shame they left it out because it serves as a summary of Jesus’ model. It kindles our hearts to seek the glory of God and to remember Him and not ourselves as the object of our prayers, and also teaches us that our prayers are founded and effectual in God alone – there is no merit in us that makes our prayers valuable or effective. The prayers of a righteous man availeth much, but who is righteous, there is no not one. It is God, by His grace, that makes us righteous by taking up our sin, and imputing to us His righteousness. By grace, we are wholly and thankfully dependant on Him!

For Such A Time As This

As those of you who are regular readers of the Legacy Letter are aware, God has been working in my heart to redefine what Legacy is all about and our place in the kingdom. As I closed last month, I have really been impressed with an urgency for fighting the battle for the gospel, particularly in regards to passing down the faith, once delivered to the saints, to the next generation.
Part of what that means is that God has given me a desire to speak with a loud voice into the chasm of student ministry. There is a growing understanding that the way we have done student ministry for the past generation has failed. Our students are dropping out of church at an alarming rate and those who remain largely have no grasp of the gospel and its implications for their lives. As a result of this realization, there is a movement towards redefining student ministry. One group understands the need for more intentional teaching, and discipleship.
Unfortunately, there is a larger and opposite group that seems to think a more enthusiastic and creative entertainment and event based ministry model will be more successful. This is promoted, as you might expect, by the relevant and emerging church movements, as well as by popular evangelicalism. However, this is just more of the same model that has failed us for over a generation.
That is why we must speak, and why now is the time. In order for Legacy to have a voice of eternal consequence, we must make some changes and move ahead. My heart is for the church and my greatest desire is to see it become what God instituted it to be. It is that heart for the church that has led us to a new partnership in ministry with Bush Memorial Baptist Church, our home church here in Troy.
The leadership at Bush believes so much in our ministry that they have created a Discipleship and Education staff position that will allow me to both serve the church by implementing a Legacy discipleship and leadership development model, as well as lead Legacy from a church ministry platform.
That church ministry platform will allow Legacy to be more focused on our central callings:
To be a voice for the Strategic Youth and Family Ministry model.
To focus on leading Student Minister/Worker Conferences and teaching biblical principles and models to youth leaders.
Continuing to do ministry evaluations, volunteer workshops, parent seminars, and Lead events, as necessary to promote and teach biblical ministry principles.
We are working to create a new network of partner churches, and to put together conferences, with a focus on talking to leaders about the urgency we fell for discipleing students and engaging parents in the process. We also know we must continue to do a better job communicating with donors and support churches about the direction Legacy is taking. It will take a great deal of ongoing support to make this re-focusing of Legacy a long-term success.
Our goal is to double our monthly pledges and the number of support churches in 2008 and we are working to raise $4,000 in one –time donations by the end of 2007. We understand this is going to be a difficult task. However we are trusting God, because He has given me such an urgency, I am compelled to do whatever it takes and He has shown me that it is a blessing and an honor to involve other people in the vision he has given me and providing them with an opportunity to join in the work He desires to do through Legacy.
I believe God has put it on my heart to be an aggressive voice for His purposes to the next generation. As a result, I need to be surrounded by people who share that vision. Thank you for sharing that vision and I pray God give you an urgency for the spiritual lives of your children and grandchildren, and for the work of Legacy Ministries.