Love and Respect
We spent last weekend at the Love and Respect Conference, where we heard some great teaching on marriage. It got me thinking about how far our so called convictions and teachings (as believers in general) are from our practice. Scripture calls us to a counter-cultural life, as we live out the Word of God and stand for truth where culture violates it.
The question is, where does this attack from culture come from, and how do we face it as believers? If we are to really create a counter-culture that preserves the biblical definition of the family, we must first recognize that culture has not changed in this area as much as we think, and that we have changed more than we would like to admit. We need to be careful not to see the family crisis as a completely new development, or as the result of blind cultural trends.
A Fundamental Attack
Scripture presents a picture of the family as constantly under attack. Family crisis did not begin with cable TV and the culture wars that surround the family are not chiefly the result of Hollywood or Capitol Hill. We need to see through the symptoms to the cause in order to find its antidote.
What we find in the larger context of Scripture is not simply a cultural shift, but an exposure of our own timidity and cultural accommodation. We see why the family is extremely significant as an iconic representations of Christ, His Church, and His Gospel.
In order to rightly understand the family chaos, we must distinguish between what is “from the beginning” and thus created good, and what is the result of the fall. The fall did not just result in individual sin and separation from God, but a disruption in the fabric of creation - including the family relationships established in the garden. In fact, the most immediate disruption in the peace of the garden was the alienation of the one-flesh union of man and woman, as they experienced nakedness and shame in one another’s presence (even before God came an announced the curse). The curse that comes upends every aspect of the calling on humankind.
Adam denies his leadership role and blames God and Eve for his sin.
The woman’s vocation as mother of all now includes pain and anguish in childbirth.
The man’s vocation as the tiller of the ground to bring forth bread for his family now includes toil and sorrow.
The marriage union now includes disharmony and rivalry - resulting in insecurity, guilt and suspicion.
The fruitful and multiply command results not just in new life, but fratricide (brother killing brother in Gen. 4:1-16).
The family chaos is traced by the biblical account East of Eden, through polygamy, rape, violence, blackmail, reproductive transgression to the dishonoring of Noah, the patriarch of the new creation by his own son in Gen. 9:18-27. We see a repeated cycle of family deceit, sibling rivalry, inheritance skirmishes and it becomes clear that the peace of the divine union has been utterly compromised by the fall.
The Christ Perspective
When the Pharisees seek to trap Jesus with a question about divorce, He indicts them for failing to understand the Alpha-point of the story. They start with the consequences of the fall, the Mosaic provisions for divorce, missing that it was not so “in the beginning.” (Matt. 9:1-12)
When the Sadducces seek to trap Jesus with a question about marriage, He indicts them for failing to understand the Omega-point of the story. They start with the consequences of the fall, death and the law that a man should marry his brother’s widow if she has no children, missing the reality of what it will be when human existence reaches its resurrection goal of a new creation. (Mark 12-18-27)
They are veiled to the reality of Christ and so they are veiled to the mystery of Christ in the family order. The gospel of Christ is the key to understanding the meaning of all reality, as we have seen so vividly in the Truth Project. Paul announces in Ephesians that God “in all wisdom and insight” has made known the “mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth,” and that God “raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all.” Christ is the prototype of unity and submission.
Husband and Wife
One key aspect of understanding this created good mystery is that the family structure is not an arbitrary expression of the will of God. It is an archetype, an icon of God’s purpose for the universe in Christ. Our text from Ephesians on marriage makes no sense if it is presented as self-help advice for a happier, healthier marriage. It is part of a larger argument regarding the mystery of Christ that was not revealed to the generations before, that the Genesis 2 mandate to leave and cleave is a mystery that “refers to Christ and the church.” (Eph. 5:31-32)
The husband/wife union is a visible icon of the Christ/church union; a union in which, as a head with his body, Jesus is inseparable from His bride, a bride He protects, provides for, leads, disciples, and sanctifies. Male headship is not indicative of hierarchy or value, but is iconic, pointing to the purpose of the creation. It is not raw sovereignty, but covenantal love that reflects the love of Christ for His bride. The Ephesians text says that the husband loves, “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” (5:25)
Female respect is not indicative of hierarchy or value, but is likewise iconic, pointing to the purpose of the creation. The headship she honors is not raw sovereignty, but covenantal love. She does so not because she is somehow less dignified than he, but precisely because she is a model, a picture of an assembly that is pursued, protected, led by a spirit-honoring King. Thus, “as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should honor their husbands in everything.” (Eph. 5:24)
Children
The children of the husband/wife union and the interplay between parents and children are also archetypal and Christological. The command to be fruitful and multiply, to fill the earth, is an icon fulfilled in Christ in the Omega-point of the story when He stands triumphant before His Father and announces, “Behold, I and the children God has given me.” (Heb. 2:13)
The love between the Father and the Son is incarnated. The universe is built around the Father’s joy in bestowing upon His Son and inheritance (Ps.2 :7-8), a great name (Phil. 2:9-11), and the glory of the firstborn among many brothers (Rom. 8;29).
The command for fathers to lead, protect, provide for and discipline their children, again, is not arbitrary. It is because the human fatherhood is an icon of the divine fatherhood. (Heb. 12:5-11) Human fathers are to train their children to trust and obey precisely because that is what our heavenly Father does. (Matt. 6:10) Humans fathers are to bring forth bread from the land for their families because God does so. (Matt. 6:11) Human fathers guard their children from evil threats because God does so. (Matt. 6:13) The divine Father/Son relationship is a paradigm of the family structure and the family structure is an iconic archetype of the divine relationship.
This is why the command to honor father and mother is included in the Law of God, and why obedience is tied to inheritance. It is why disobedience to parents is included as among the horrors of a universe in rebellion against God. (Rom. 1:30) This is why a man who will not provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever. These are not mere social controls of a patriarchal society. The breakdown of the iconic family honor is indicative of a larger revolt against the archetypal nature and character of God. Disharmony between parents and children is not simply a cultural problem; it implicitly pictures a false gospel of a Father who does not hear His Son, and a Son who does not honor His Father.
Family Conflict as Spiritual Conflict
Only when we step back and get a view of the big picture of the mystery of Christ behind the family do we understand something of why family disorder is always with us, in every age. Paul tells us in Ephesians 3:10 that the mystery of the Christ/church union is a sign of the “manifold wisdom of God” that is now made known to the “rulers and authorities in the heavenly places.” It is no accident that Paul writes of marriage in Eph. 5 and children in Eph. 6 in the context of an ongoing discussion of spiritual warfare. (4:14-6:20)
It is no accident that the Serpent’s strategies turn to disrupting the peace of the marital covenant, the integrity of the sexual union, of the parent/child bond, and of the church as the household of God. These are icons of the mystery of Christ, visible images of the gospel. The spiritual conflict aspect of the family is also why the Scripture places such a close tie between family breakdown and idolatry and occultism. This warfare again and again involves the slaughter of children in an attempt to snuff out the line of the messiah and destroy His iconic image. This cosmic rage against the family order is decidedly personal. Proverbs speaks of the pull toward a man who destroys his family through adultery as one who is lead as an animal to the slaughter. (5-7) In forbidding an “unequal yoke” relationship, Paul does not refer to the implications of such a union, first of all, for a couple’s intimacy or the difficulties in childrearing. He ask instead, “What accord has Christ with Belial?” (2 Cor. 6:15) I could go on and on, but the point is that the battle over the family is a battle over the very image of God.
Conflict Resolution
The good news is, like every other aspect of the fall, the curse that tears asunder the family order is absorbed by Jesus, who reconciles the universe “by the blood of His cross.” (Col. 1:20) After absorbing in His body the full measure of the curse against our sin, Jesus raised to announce to the women at his tomb, “Go to my brothers and say to them, ‘I am ascending to My Father and your Father, to My God and Your God.” (John 21:17) He establishes a community, a household, a family. And as the gospel goes forward through the ages and the nations, He and His bride are fruitful and multiply, and the icon of the mystery of Christ is brought to fullness.
And so we are not surprised when the fallen creation is repulsed by the family order. It pictures Christ for them. They will ask us to deify sex and reject gender, but we will not give up on a culture because they have twisted the family order. The darkness does not overcome the light. (John 1:5)
If the family is under attack by spiritual forces, then the ultimate antidote for hurting families is for churches to offer what frightens and depresses those forces the most: Jesus Christ. We must live the gospel, not as though it were for unbelievers only, but as a comprehensive storyline for life. We must ask if the divorce culture and adultery crisis in our churches is the result if the false image of God in our own lives. This means that family issues must be seen not only as moral issues but as gospel issues - because they have everything to do with God’s pronouncement of Christ and they present a picture of the very Godhead. This means our evangelism and discipleship must be extended to include instruction on how to proclaim the gospel through kept wedding vows and discipled children. This, I believe will mean intentional one-on-one discipleship. Men in our congregation must take responsibility for the discipleship of our boys and young men. Women in our congregation must take responsibility for the discipleship of our girls and young women. Parents taking up their role as the primary spiritual influence in the lives of their children.
Again, I could go on and on, but let our hearts be challenged and encouraged that our families serve as iconic pictures of the nature and character of God.
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