ApParent Privilege - A Review

ApParent Privilege, the second offering by Steve Wright, with Chris Graves, is a call for parents to rethink what it means to be a Christian parent that is every bit as impactful as their first offering, ReThink, was as a call to churches to rethink student ministry. Steve writes in a powerful, conversational style, as one parent to another, and in a professional, informed tone as a caring pastor to concerned parents.
Steve begins by sharing a little of his personal story as a parent and pastor to students and families. Using his unique ability to meld research and biblical precepts, he makes a strong case for parent’s apparent privilege as primary disciplers and daily mentors for their children. He says, “Our children need mothers and fathers to help them become adults. Childhood is temporary. One goal of parenting is to lay the groundwork to help children become godly adults. We must continually show our children what it means to be a biblical woman and a biblical man. We must teach responsibility, respect, work ethic, spiritual maturity, and life skills that adults must have.”(pg. 40)
What I found particularly refreshing was that the book did not just rest on statistics and antidotal evidence about good parenting. Steve takes the time and care to mark out for his readers what I think is possibly the most valuable information in the book, a theology of the family. I believe the lack of a solidly biblical theology of the family is the root cause of much of the family crisis in our churches today. If we but had a clear picture of who God is and how He has made himself known through the structure and relationships of the family, the attack by the world, the flesh and the devil on the family would have little success among the children of God.
The discussion on the theology of the family is limited to just one chapter in the book and therefore, Steve presents a concise overview in the form of “Seven Foundations of the Theology of the Family:”
1. God created man and woman in His image.
2. God blessed man and woman with the gifts of marriage, sex and family.
3. God gave parents the primary role of discipling their children.
4. God calls husbands to love their wives and calls wives to submit to their husbands.
5. God’s design is for marriage to be lifelong.
6. God seeks to use Christian families to unite and partner with the local church for the mutual purpose of discipleship.(52-57)
As a Pastor to Students, I used to always tell parents, “everyday, good parents have bad kids and bad parents have good kids, but it is the exception, not the rule.” I would say that in order to encourage a parent that just because their child may be in rebellion does not mean they are necessarily doing anything wrong, or just because they may have made mistakes, does not mean there is no hope. Steve gives the same encouragement in chapter 3 of the book, A Parent’s Difference, where he talks about the big picture of parenting with its goal of finishing well. He says, “Biblical parenting is more than keeping our kids from having sex, using drugs, or going to jail. It is about fostering an awe of God in our children. It is about showing our children their need for a Savior and introducing them to Jesus who alone can rescue their lives from sin and give life that lasts forever.”(pg. 62)
The focus is never on raising church kids, but on reaching both traditional and non-traditional families with the gospel, and having the hearts of both parents and children captivated by God. In that light, the book presents four distinctive marks of Christian parenting. He says that Christian parents, “seek to model the Gospel,” “value and protect the sanctity of marriage,” “see their children as blessings,” and “desire that Jesus captivate their children’s hearts,” which he says is the ultimate goal.(65-70)
Steve goes on to discuss how we as parents make time for what we value the most, and that value system is the difference between good parenting and godly parenting. To help us check those values, he gives eight principles from Scripture that must guide everything we do. Principle number seven, “Envision parenting as generational,” jumped out at me for obvious reasons. He says, “We don’t often think about generational parenting. We don’t think about a lasting legacy for Christ.”(92)
What makes the book helpful is that it not only reminds us of our biblical privilege and duty as parents, but it gives us some tools to use in the real life, day-to-day of our families. Steve give us seven of the most impacting habits he has seen in families during his more than 20 years in ministry. He and I agree the most basic and most profound of these is family worship. We also agree that there is a special call to fathers to be the spiritual leaders of their families. He gives six specific calls to fathers, and a job description that I will keep posted for a regular reminder.
ApParent Privilege is a must read for every minister wanting insight into how to talk to parents about their role as primary disciplers and for every parent who has a desire to fulfill that role.