I got an email from a friend this week who shared an article with me from the July-August issue of Group Magazine. It was actually and interview between Doug Fields and Mark Devries. I was a little surprised because Devries is a long time advocate of youth and family ministry. It was a good interview and I believe shows the massive nature the youth and family ministry movement has taken on.
I was particularly struck by something Devries said in the first paragraph of the interview.
“Parents are often coming from a place of their own need– there’s a lot of fear wrapped up in raising (and discipling) and adolescent. And so they bring this anxiety to the table, and we feel like they are attacking us– the truth is, they have a weight about their own kids that we’ll never feel. They’re going to be worried about their kids 10 years from now in ways that we never will. When parents have that level of commitment, we hope they care enough to raise issues. But sometimes we take that as an attack on us.”
I think that is a great insight and it reveals so much of what is dangerous about student ministry that is not actively and intentionally partnering with parents. When we neglect to respect the biblical role that God gave to parents, we set ourselves in opposition to that role, which parents naturally feel. That makes them our enemy instead of our ally. They come to us for help and we feel threatened because their involvement may hinder our program.
What that comes down to is a lie about significance. If parents are primary in the spiritual lives of their students and we are not partners with them, what is our significance? We believe the lie that what we do makes us significant, instead of who we are in Christ, and we become competitive with parents over the primary place of spiritual significance in the life of their children. What must that look like to our students? Not like Exodus 20:12 or Deuteronomy 5:16, and certainly not Matthew 15:4. It must look more like Romans 1:28-32.
Devries gives an accurate assessment of the problem and the potential solution, though I am not sure he goes far enough.
“I think we are trying to get parents to get with our program when, in fact, they need us to support them more than we need them to support us.”
We are the help-mate in this relationship and we should be seeking out ways to serve the family. Devries says it starts with building relationships with parents, learning their names, a developing lines of communication. I agree that is a great start in filling our encouraging and equipping role.
1 comment:
I couldn't agree with this more. I see so many teenagers today, that are so consumed with their self, they do not care what anyone else in the world is doing, let alone helping anyone do whatever it is they're doing. I have had teens work for me that are on the verge of worthless, in a professional sense. The challenge is to make them feel like they are valuable.
I think this also applies to parents in two ways. First, as an ally, they need to feel like a valuable part of the ministry in order to be a valuable ally. People love to be appreciated. Second, parents need to show their children how important they are by becoming involved in the ministry themselves. Parents who connect, have children who connect. It all starts at home. I am not far removed from being a teen in a student ministry, and I get this. It's amazing to see the disconnect between parents of teens in this generation and those of my generation. It's why we have so many teens experimenting with drugs, violence and their sexuality. It's incredibly scary to think about what it is going to be like to raise my own kids, when that happens. What kinds of new challenges will they face that teens today haven't even experienced yet. We have to follow the old boy scout motto and Be Prepared.
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